Deconstruct One Bullet At a Time
by Veraberry
Summary: A new way to look at the Mass Effect Story. Includes both femShep and maleShep with slightly altered roles and an in depth look on the decisions they make, the impacts they have. Slightly AU. Rated M for Language, Gore and Sexual Themes/Situations.


So, an "old" friend thought it'd be a _good_ and _funny_ idea to hack into my stuff and delete some stuff from my websites and computer…including my old mass effect fan fiction! How very, very, _very_ funny right? Meh. I'm not _too_ upset by it, mainly because I really didn't like the way the other story was going so my idiot friend who's not really much of a friend anymore deleting my stuff gave me a real excuse to rewrite it! So, hopefully this one will work out better and maybe more people will actually give me feedback! That'd be extra lovely! 3

So, there's a few things I'd like to go over.

For starters, I just want to let people know that this is _MY_ interpretation of Mass Effect, I referenced a lot of stuff like the Mass Effect Wikia and some other things as well as taking some of my knowledge from the game itself. There are some things in the Mass Effect Universe that aren't stated, such as _how_ exactly the Arcturus Station really looks like, Joker's actual age, how long it takes to graduate from the Academy, etc, etc. So, seeing as this is _MY_ interpretation of Mass Effect, I decided to fill in a few blanks, just so it was there. Y'know?

Another thing that definitely needs to be explained is the role of Shepards. I have both femShep and maleShep in my fanfic. However, femShep's role has totally been rewritten to better fit her into the universe I've created. I did this mainly because I like both my Shepards and for the most part femShep is still the same, just in a different role. If this isn't your cup of tea and you'd like to see more traditional Mass Effect FF, well, read all the other FFs! Der! This is just what _I_ wanted to write. I'm writing out of pure boredom and love for the game. Reviews and Kind, Constructive Criticism is always welcomed! There's a major difference between constructive criticism and just being an asshole. Keep that in mind. I'm also one of those 'a review for a review', got your own story and would love a review? Well, if you review me, I'll review you and vice versa, hopefully! I always love hearing feedback on my work! So please, a penny for your thoughts?

Hm, I think that's really all I have to say for now. Well, other then the whole, Mass Effect Characters and The Mass Effect Universe belong to Bioware, I take no credit for any of it! Mass Effect belongs to it's respective owners, Bioware, screw with them and your in for a world of butt hurt! D

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"_Life, forever dying to be born afresh, for ever young and eager, will presently stand upon this earth as upon a footstool, and stretch out its realm amidst the stars." _

_-- H. G. Wells_

**01. Cheers**

Reassigned. Reassigned. Reassigned.

As soon as she had grown comfortable on the ships she had been serving on, the first god damned thing that happened was her sudden reassignment to some other damned ship. A whole new crew, new XOs, a new way of life really. She was a Flight Lieutenant, that was her rank…shouldn't she have a more, stable position? Apparently not, she was being thrown from ship to ship like a rag doll with little to no explanation. It frustrated her to no end. She had sent dozens of letters, appeals to her superiors for a more permanent position, but all were denied. Each time she tried to find out, she was shot down. The young Lieutenant was beginning to think she had pissed off the brass in some way.

The only thing keeping her from snapping, was the fact that she was living out her dream, to fly. That was worth anything right? Plus, it really wasn't all that bad, she liked to look at it as a 'minor inconvenience'. That put it in a much better light. Mostly. Ever since she was a little girl living back on Earth, all she ever thought about was flying, be it through the clouds or past the stars, it didn't matter as long as she was no longer on the ground. If there was a sense of weightlessness, a trickle of excitement, the smallest glint of joy as she peered out a window and saw everything the size of an ant. Then it was completely and utterly worth all the crap.

It was the military after all, what did she expect?

"_Attention all passengers! We are approximately fifteen minutes from our arrival at Arcturus Station. We ask that you please secure all luggage and remain seated for the remaining time. Thank you for choosing Terra Nova Space Cruisers, humanity's number one choice in civilian space flight!"_

As the smooth, calming voice of the freight-sized ship's operating system cut out, the Lieutenant shifted in her seat, pressing her body closer to the small window to her right. Cheek right on the cool glass, her amethyst eyes darted past glowing orbs of varying colors. Blues, reds, vermilions and magentas. To this day it still amazed her that those bright orbs that lit up the night sky were actually suns and that they weren't just blinding yellow orbs, they could be any color, any brightness, any size. Space was truly amazing, that was for damned sure. Despite the hardships she had suffered through, she had absolutely no regrets. She knew this was exactly where she belonged. Sitting in her seat and getting lost in the vast space outside the window, her mind began to mull over things. Things that made her feel incredibly insignificant and small inside, thoughts that left a hollow feeling in her heart that were incredibly hard to explain. It was that kind of feeling one got when they thought of their existence, about life, death, just how big space was and the fact that they were just a very, very, _very_ small part of it.

When she started to feel depressed she forced herself to stop thinking for a moment. Shaking her head, she collected her thoughts, casting her eyes towards her feet. Instead of thinking about humanity as a whole, she began to let her mind drift on distant memories. A troublesome childhood as an orphan, gangs, violence, being exposed to terrible things at such a young age. Impressionable. She furrowed her brow, lifting her right hand and ran her fingertips down the long pearly line that ran perfectly horizontal down her right eye.

Impressionable.

That's what _they_ had called her so long ago. She would make for an easy subject, a guinea pig. She would be perfect to shape and mold, to turn into a mindless soldier. The young woman ripped her fingers away from her eye, instead lowering her forehead upon her palm. Squeezing her eyes tight shut she tried to think of better things. Things like her sibling, the only family she ever had…that eventually abandoned her on Earth at a time when she had needed him most. Quickly she shook her head, dissipating the memories only to stir up new ones. Memories of what she had thought would be the happiest time in her life, military life. She remembered the grand Arcturus Station, The Alliance Academy, the first time she actually flew a spacecraft successfully. The ecstasy of utter weightlessness…the loneliness, the heckling and that arrogant bastard of a class mate. Her eyes flew open, rolling them as she flung herself back in her seat with a groan as she remembered that smirk of his and how, sadly, he had actually been her only friend…which was saying a lot as she had hated the hell out of him.

However, before she could continue her rather angry thoughts there was a soft '_ding_' and that soothing voice began to speak again, the feminine voice barely a whisper in the cabin.

"_Attention all passengers! In approximately 2.3 minutes we will be landing at the Arcturus Station Hangar 4, Dock C. We ask that you secure all luggage and remain seated for the duration of our flight. When the ship has come to a complete stop please collect all belongings and wait for your cabin's number to be called to be released from the ship. If you are transferring to another flight, please check with the nearest assistant located right outside the ship for directions and information updates. We ask that all Alliance Military Personnel please check in at the nearest Alliance Database, if you are transferring to an Alliance ship please head towards the Alliance Military Hangar, located right next to Station Hangar 4. Again we thank you for choosing Terra Nova Space Cruisers, humanity's number one choice in civilian space flight, we hope that you have enjoyed your flight and hope you chose to travel with us in the future!"_

The young woman let out a sigh, pulling her small duffel bag into her lap. She was in the second to first cabin, fortunately! She'd be off this civilian ship in no time once they docked! It was a relief, though she'd be stuck in Arcturus for three days before the ship she was to be supposedly piloting was scheduled in. She cast her amethyst eyes back out the window in time to see the round ring that was the Arcturus Station far in the distance, almost seeming like a tiny insect in the shadow of the gas giant planet, Themis. Within seconds the station grew larger and larger until she was able to see bits of the Chevron Shields. The ring itself quickly disappeared as the ship drew closer to the center of the ring.

And then finally, space disappeared, replaced by numerous bright lights reflecting off other ship's surfaces and the metals of the interior of the hangar. She easily pulled her eyes away from this sight, glancing around her cabin at the other two passengers, fellow Alliance personnel. They were little for chatting, one actually spent the entire flight sleeping. Within a number of minutes a ding echoed in their cabin and their number flashed up. She waited until the other two exited the cabin before slowly pushing herself up and heading out. Directed by dim lights and the heavy footfalls of the two men ahead of her she finally came upon the exit. Squinting, she was nearly blinded by the station's bright lights.

"Hello there! All Alliance Personnel should report to the nearest Alliance Database located right outside Hangar 5 in the Personnel office! Thank you for flying Terra Nova!"

The perky blond flight attendant exaggerated a broad smile as the young Lieutenant stepped out of the ship. She rolled her shoulders as she followed a few feet away from the other…Marines, she assumed. Trying her best to work out the kinks that had managed to creep into her back. It was a silent walk, at least in her terms when traveling in a group. If you cut out all the background noises of docking ships and working machinery and the chatter of workers and civilians, the woman thought the silence would actually crack the metal walkway they were on. She peered over the rails, it was a long fall to the bottom. Cringing at the thought of dying anywhere that wasn't in space she hurried on towards the Personnel Office.

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"Ah, I know you! Your Shepard's kid sister, what was your name again?"

The young woman could feel a sort of…anger welling up inside of her. She hated when people referred to her in that light, she had worked damned hard to get where she was and she definitely didn't do it by riding on her brother's coat tails, that was for damned sure! A part of her wanted to punch the FNG that was now standing behind her in line in the Personnel Office, the other part reassured her…at least she was recognizable right? Even if the recognition was given in a very unwelcome sort of way. Despite that, she gave a curt nod in response to the guy behind her, keeping her eyes directly on the back of the head of one of the Marines she had followed from the ship. The kid behind her looked so young, he was cute…but so young, he couldn't be more then eighteen, nineteen perhaps!

She could feel her patience begin to wane rapidly as the kid kept squirming behind her, trying to peer around her shoulder to get a better look at her face, her scar no doubt. A nerve twitched somewhere in the corner of her mouth, she gripped tighter to the coarse strap of her bag, grinding her teeth. Normally she wasn't always this irritable, but she just got off a rather long and boring flight from Terra Nova and just wanted to check in and get some sleep. Not be bothered by some rookie.

"Hey, hey! What's your name? So is the Commander really your older brother? What's it like being related to hero at the Battle of Torfan? Were you at Torfan?"

Quickly she snapped her gaze over her shoulder, shooting the kid a venomous glare.

"Look, I don't mean to be so mean but I'm just so…so…so fucking tired."

The young soldier recoiled, instantly dropping his gaze to the ground and zipping his lips shut. It took only a second for the woman to suddenly regret what she did. She let out a sigh she knew she was going to regret.

"Flight Lieutenant Vera Shepard."

She turned around again, almost boring a hole into the back of the Marine's head in front of her as she stared off. She could only assume the soldier behind her was completely ecstatic by the fact she had spoken to him. Within minutes he was heckling her again with random and annoying questions. She closed her eyes and took a step forward as the line moved up.

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"Flight Lieutenant Vera Shepard?"

The woman nodded at the officer behind the counter, he was typing remarkably fast on the keyboard, his eyes never leaving the bright orange holo-screen. He clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth as he looked over her credentials, verifying her identity.

"Transferring to another ship I see."

"Unfortunately."

A smirk played across his lips as he continued scrolling through her info, "Poor girl, no luck. I think you may have hit your lucky break though, your due to be piloting one of the Alliance's new frigates, the er…gimme a sec." He typed in a few words, bringing up a few new screens, "Ah, yes. The SSV Berlin. Newly constructed and ready for an able pilot. Think you can handle it?"

Vera scoffed, "Please."

He shook his head, letting out a low whistle, "Would ya lookit that, SSV Berlin seems like it's due for an important mission as soon as it leaves the docks after it's scheduled arrival in three days. Wonder what it is…"

The young Lieutenant shrugged, "So, can I go now?"

The officer handed her a small file, "Sure can, everything checks out with me. Keep out of trouble and enjoy your three days of freedom!"

She tucked the file into her bag, quickly thanking the officer. Deciding to make up for treating the new recruit behind her like a total bitch, she tossed a quick glance and a smile at him over her shoulder. His face lit up as she quickly turned away and made a beeline for the closest bar on the station.

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Vera Shepard was now slumped over a table in a dark-lit, back alley bar she was always sure to visit when on Arcturus. Mainly for nostalgic reasons as it was the place she frequented during her academy days. Really the only thing good to drink here was the Guinness Dark. As she took heavy gulps from her pint she mused over how, basically two things in humanity's recent history hadn't changed much over the centuries, alcohol and cigarettes. Not much for the latter, alcohol had always been a welcomed friend to her ever since she tasted it at sixteen. Back then it had been a variety of whiskeys and vodkas, now she was into tequilas and scotch, hard scotch, with the occasional tamed liquor whenever possible. When drinking alone, she always had a Guinness, always. It hadn't changed for about…how many years had it been now? Oh, she was just too damned buzz to really care.

She remembered she had tried a few foreign imports, if you will. Alien liquors. That was quite a trip, Turian Whiskey, now that was something. It was almost as stiff as the Turians themselves, but it did its job and got you drunk just as quick…but like all liquor, it was definitely an acquired taste. Vera didn't consider herself a racist, nor was she against aliens integrating their culture into humanity and she was usually one to try anything new…but when it came down to it, no one did liquor better then humanity.

Four hours.

That was how long she had been in this damned bar, pounding pint after pint. It didn't matter, she didn't have any official military junk to do, she was most likely going to go attempt to find her hotel room and crash until God knew when.

That was until she heard a familiar voice.

"Well, if it isn't Vera Shepard. Class of 2176, graduated second in her class, just below the best of course."

Though the bar was a small, unnoticed place, it was usually dark and incredibly noisy. It took her a moment to register the voice, especially after it had addressed her. Plus, with her buzz…tack on about another 30 seconds. Maybe if she was a little more sober she would have heard the thunk of those crutches upon the ground coming towards her…maybe. Probably not, she wasn't really used to listening to normal noises that didn't involve ships and engines.

She tossed a glance up and nearly tossed the rest of her drink at the violator of her own personal peace. It was someone she didn't want to see for a very long time, a very, very long time.

"Oh for fuck's sake…"

The culprit grinned in that all too familiar way as she let out a groan after her sudden curse.

"Joker Moreau."

Without her permission, he pulled himself off his crutches and into the empty seat next to her, resting them against the table on the opposite side. With a look of utter boredom, he leaned back in the seat, folding his hands behind his head and letting out a low whistle. The sight of him sitting like that brought back unwelcome memories of their youth…Seven years? Had it really been so long? Oh God, she had wasted most of her life on her career…Watching Joker sit in that way only made her realize how sad that was. Seven years back they'd frequent this place, faking their age to get some liquor. Not that the old owner cared much anyway. From there they'd get so plastered (mainly her since he was too damned focused on schoolwork then anything else, though he graduated on top so it actually paid off) that not much seemed to matter. School, stress, pressure, it had all melted away and it was just them, two friends, two people who really wanted nothing more then to live out their dreams, such simple dreams really.

But once the liquor wore off and was replaced by that head splitting hangover, it was all real again. Joker still had his disease, he was still a prick and he still had to work his ass off to prove himself. For Vera it was a bit different, when the liquor was long out of her system she was still the same girl…but she remembered where she had came from and what she had been through, she remembered that dreams were nothing without hard work and she remembered she was only second best compared to her crippled friend. But the worst was that she remembered his rejection of her from the whole '_can we be more then just friends' _ordeal that had almost forced her to end her dreams of flying then and there.

However, she had gotten so piss drunk that she finally realized that she wasn't a pathetic little school girl whose main concern was to get laid and/or find true love. She crushed those thoughts and it was never mentioned ever again, instead that silly feeling of lust or love, whatever you wanted to call it quickly did a full 180 and transformed into jealousy, hate and loathing.

Somehow that made their friendship stronger.

So what had stopped the two from keeping in touch after all these years?

That damned jealousy that Vera had used to squash her crush, the anger at her friend for besting her at the one thing that had kept her alive during her chaotic life as a child and adolescence. Plus his arrogance hadn't made graduation any better, she had come so close to breaking his legs. In the end they went their separate ways, both hurt for numerous different reasons until one day, they just learned the easiest way to deal with one another was to completely forget each other.

After nearly fifteen minutes of sitting in silence, it was finally Vera who broke the ice.

"So, what's Mr. Hotshot doing back on Arcturus Station?"

He continued to stare off into the dark corner, giving a slight shrug, "Y'know, Alliance business. On a mission only a badass pilot like _myself_ can accomplish."

She rolled her eyes, glancing into the same dark corner he was looking into, "Things never change."

Another shrug from Moreau. She was probably the only person he was able to completely and totally be silent and serious around. Be this good or bad, it was hard to say. Personally, especially at this moment of being on the verge of getting herself incredibly drunk, she considered it a good thing. As she stared at the half full glass of Guinness, Joker waved over the bartender for a drink. They sat in silence again, this time, drawing out longer then before.

"Seven years without talking and not much to say, kinda funny ain't it?"

Vera didn't respond, opting to give him the cold shoulder as she viciously downed the rest of the pint. She had made up her mind, she was going to get so wasted that she wasn't going to remember this night and she could go on living with the memory that she never met him again and that she'd see him in hell. "There's really nothing to say. I already know your better, above average, best of the best, number one, on top, top dog, hotshot…what the hell ever. So, don't really think there's much conversation to make with you once you narrow all that down."

The bartender brought him his drink and he leaned forward on the table, running his fingers over the glass, resting his right arm on the surface. He turned away from her in the slightest. In the dark it was hard to read exactly what was written on his face. For some sick, cruel reason she felt utterly satisfied that she had shut him up. Probably one of the only people that didn't have any authority over him that could do it. She didn't really have to try hard, nor did she make any spectacular remarks, there was just something in the way she treated him that put him off and made him zip up his mouth. Any other person that said the same thing would hear no end from him. She never understood what it was that made their relationship this way, or why he kept himself quiet around her, at the rate she was going this night she'd most likely never find out and she'd probably end up permanently cutting her ties with him.

One less burden off her shoulders.

"Your brother is on my ship."

She snapped her attention back to him, he was still turned slightly away from her, carefully sipping from his drink. They had never talked about her older sibling much, he knew it was a subject of taboo with her, seeing as everyone believed her success was given by her brother's status. Joker was probably the only one that knew the real story, or part of it at least, even when they were close way back when, she had never fully divulged the entire story of their past to him and thankfully, he wasn't the type to pry. That was one of the things that had drawn her to the arrogant bastard, was the fact that he never pushed nor pulled. If you didn't want to talk about something, well he never made you. He didn't give pity easily, sympathy and coddling weren't exactly a part of his normal functions. You had to earn his trust and respect and vice versa for her.

They had made quite the team back then.

But things had changed.

Or had they?

"Good for him, I'm sure he's running around being an ass as usual. I don't care much." In a way that was totally false, she truly did love her brother to no end, but his quick and utter abandonment so many years ago had brought one of the worst grudges within her. One she wasn't too keen on letting go just yet.

Joker smirked, "Meh, he's remarkably mellow…though his smartass remarks are always good for a laugh or two."

Vera rolled her eyes, "And I suppose you get a laugh or six right?"

"Of course!"

She couldn't help but chuckle. She waved for another drink, which seemed to come quicker then before, immediately she began to drain the contents of the tall glass, eagerly hoping to add this to the list of long forgotten things.

Somehow, Joker had taken her laugh as an indication to lean closer, a semi-serious look upon his face, "Shepard, you need to lighten up. Seriously, all this animosity between us…that was seven years ago." She looked at him, her eyes meeting his, it was these little moments of his that made her really uncomfortable and she quickly tossed her glance aside, burying her face in her drink. He continued on however, "C'mon, Vera! Remember all the good times we had here back in our Academy days, you seriously want to let the fact that I beat you by one measly percent ruin probably one of the best things that's ever happened?"

That last sentence caught her interest, mainly because she had no idea how to interpret that, "_Best things_?"

He furrowed his brow, realizing how that had come out. He shook his head, downing several heavy gulps from his drink before returning his attention to her again, "Y'know what I mean, the whole er…friendship, thing. Shepard, lighten up! I'm out of here tomorrow, let's make the most of this! After all, you are in the company of the best damned pilot in the Systems Alliance, what better company to drink with?"

He held out his glass to her, she eyed it for a moment before raising her own in toast, "Fine, but if you don't cut the crap I'll kick you in the shin and break your leg…Cheers."

"Well, that's what I sure missed the most, your incessant threats to break my legs…Cheers."


End file.
